Protein Powders/Shakes I Have Loathed…Evolve Vanilla Shake

I wanted to like Evolve’s vanilla shake. I tried to like it. I did not like it.

Pea protein is weird because it always ends up tasting like you’re licking the underside of a lawnmower or are mixing pea soup with your vanilla milkshake no matter what you do to it. Hemp protein suffers the same issue, that said, and is always somehow worse. I usually mix any pea protein powders with a lot of frozen fruit to drown-out the lawnmower, but with Evolve it is already a liquid and in a bottle and I was drinking it after the Yosemite half marathon with no access to a blender. It isn’t an offensive taste or aftertaste but the pea is there and I wasn’t a big fan. I scribbled some notes in my phone and forgot I drank it…for about twenty minutes.

I drank one the day before the race and had no issues at all, but the one I drank after the race gave me what I will delicately refer to as “poots”, and will indelicately refer to as “pea farts.” The farting on the bus was uncomfortable and embarrassing, but the accompanying stomach cramps were the real problem. I genuinely thought I might throw up or die on the twenty minute bus ride back to Oakhurst from Bass Lake. I made it to my rental car and just sat there in the air conditioning for several minutes trying to figure out where my life went wrong.

Back at our hotel, my best friend and her husband watched with a mix of sympathy and amusement as I staggered into the shower and then staggered back out. Thankfully, after years of swim team, she was unphased by my incessant farting for the next half-hour. Her husband, being a man of simple tastes, thought it was hilarious.

I tried a third Evolve later when I got home with the same results, so I’m going to stick to Vega or whey.

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